You have arrived, but you don’t feel that you belong.
Imposter Syndrome is when we experience success externally, but we don’t experience it internally. Even when we are doing well, instead of enjoying the feelings of success, we are always waiting for our supposed inadequacies and faults to come to light. An online search for “famous people with imposter syndrome” will yield names of well-known, highly successful individuals who have struggled with it.
Even people who are at the top of their game or leaders in their field, who you would think would feel great about themselves, can experience times of deep self-doubt and the confusing feelings it brings. The thoughts which arise can be along the lines of, “I don’t belong here.”, “I will probably say the wrong thing and sound stupid.”, and “I’m not good enough.” These can be triggered by the person entering into a work situation or a social situation to which they are not accustomed. It can also happen if they have switched out of their primary persona, such as an “athlete,” “performer,” “expert,” “presenter,” or whatever, and find themselves having to communicate or socialize as their normal selves.
People can be driven to seek success and fame because of an underlying sense of emptiness. If this feeling is not resolved, then riches, success, and fame will not heal it. Imposter Syndrome may be due to low Self Worth. The person who dislikes themselves is likely to be highly self-critical. Even when they are doing well, they don’t pat themselves on the back or have much good to say about themselves. If this is the case, the person already tends to feel, “I am not good enough.” They have to push this feeling down to keep going, so when they succeed at something, the “not good enough” feeling intensifies. This is why even highly successful people, who have had to work hard for their success, and those leading purposeful and effective lives, can suffer from imposter syndrome. They may possess a lot of Self Confidence and Self Respect, but their Self Worth is low.
Since Imposter Syndrome can be triggered by someone stepping out of their comfort zone, it might seem like it is a Self Confidence issue, but instead, that would be an issue about competence. An underlying feeling of “I am not good enough” is more about our feelings of worth rather than confidence (though one can trigger the other). It’s a feeling about who we are, rather than a feeling about how good we are at what we’re trying to do. However, not feeling good about what we’re trying to do can awaken a latent feeling of not feeling good about who we are. We might use our lack of skills at something as “proof” of our supposed lack of worth.
I’ve noticed that even in my modest experiences of success, I get tempted to dismiss compliments, appreciation, and praise from others. I would think to myself, “They just don’t know what I am really like.”, “They don’t really mean it, they are just being nice.”, or “I can’t accept this as a might become arrogant.” Compliments made me feel awkward and uncomfortable, sometimes painfully, so I tried to avoid them.
Digging deeper, I realized it was the adverse reactions inside me that felt uncomfortable, not the compliments or appreciations themselves. The same adverse reactions would also be triggered by my self-doubts in unfamiliar social situations. In that case, I would feel like I shouldn’t be there and would feel like a fake or an imposter. The remedy in my case was to work on my Self Worth and build my sense of being worthy and valuable as a person. I had to learn to like myself, be kind to myself, and appreciate being the person I am. However, I also had to build my competence in social situations and improve my general chit-chat skills.
Try this:
If you are suffering from Imposter Syndrome, start by working on your Self Worth. Go over the Cultivating Self Worth chapter and try some of the affirmations in the Self Worth section of the Affirmations to Boost Self Esteem chapter in Esteem Power book.